The activities that take place during a Malay wedding come from the diverse cultural traditions –indigenous, Hindu and Islamic–that have together served to shape traditional Malay culture. The numerous activities constitute a Malay wedding may be conveniently be divided into three groups representing three stages.
The
first group of activities, all of which precede the actual wedding ceremony,
consist of (a) the investigation (merisik), (b) the engagement or approach to
formalise the arrangement (meminang), and (c) the hantaran or the sending of
gifts and part of the amount of money (wang belanja) for expenses (wang
belanja) which the boy’s family give to the girl’s side that will be incurred
by the girl’s family. The wang belanja is usually an amount of several thousand
ringgit. It is different from the dowry (mas kahwin) which is also paid by the
man to his future wife. The amount of the mas kahwin is usually fixed by the
Islamic Religious Council in each state, but a potential bridegroom may give
any amount above the official figure.
The
second group of activities consists of the actual marriage ceremony (akad
nikah) and berinai, while the third group of activities consists of berarak or
arriving in procession, sitting on a decorated dias ( bersanding and the
welcoming of the married couple to the bride’s house ( sambut menantu).
Despite
overall similarities in the respective ceremonies as done in various parts of
the country, there are certain regional differences. Here only the general
characteristics of the ceremonies have been highlighted.
Merisik
When it is time for
a young man to get married his family will look around to identify a number of
potential candidates. Having decided upon one particular young lady, then, the
merisik of investigation process takes place. For this ceremony one or more
representatives (wakil) of the young man’s family will pay a friendly visit to
the family of the young woman whom they have in mind as his potential bride.
The visit is purely for the purpose of further investigation. Its allows the
visitors to see the young lady. A hint will be given to her parents regarding
the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed. The girl’s
parents may also give the visitors some idea as to whether or not their
daughter will be interested in the match. The merisik does not constitute a
formal proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more
seriously about the possibility or otherwise of the union. It is possible that
no progress may take place, and the young man’s parents or representatives will
then look for another possible candidate.
Meminang
Once agreement for
the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential bride and
the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (meminang) take place.
Representatives from the young man’s side once again visit the house of the
young woman, following the confirmation of a date and time for such a visit. On
the side of the potential bride, a consensus is obtained regarding the
following:
(a) The date and time for the meminang ceremony.
(b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses ( wang
belanja).
(c) Details regarding the gift (hantaran) items.
(d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.
Details regarding the penalty should one of the parties break the agreement for
the marriage.
When the young man’s representatives arrive at the young woman’s house, these
matters are discussed and settled. Agreement is also reached on certain details
regarding the engagement ceremony, including:
(a) The number of
persons who will constitute the bride-groom’s party.
(b) The number of trays (dulang) of gifts that will be brought in addition to
the traditional betel-leaf containers (tepak sirih).
Whether or not a part of the money for expenses (belanja) is to be paid by the
potential bridegroom at the time of the engagement (meminang) ceremony.
'DULANG HANTARAN'
Following this settlement, the potential bridegroom’s side will prepare the
various items to be presented to the potential bride. Similarly on the side of
the young lady, gift items to the presented to the young man are prepared.
Customarily, the potential bride groom will send the following items to the
potential bride on the day of their engagement:
(a) A gold or
diamond ring.
(b) A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and
other ingredients. This is known as sirih meminang.
(c) A complete set of clothes.
(d) A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).
(e) Fruits or other gifts.
(f) A handbag.
(g) A pair of shoes.
The total number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the
potential bride must be in odd numbers, usually 7 or more.
On
the day of the engagement the young man’s party brings the items agreed upon.
For the meminang ceremony the young man and the young woman will be represented
not by their parents but by other carefully selected persons.
On
this day the date for the wedding ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other
conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all
such matters have been resolved, the bridegroom’s representatives will hand
over all the gifts (hantaran) items with the exception of the engagement ring.
The ring will be placed on the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister
or aunt of the potential bridegroom. The potential bride will all this while be
in her chamber.
'AKAD NIKAH'
The
gifts from the family of the potential bride meant for the potential bridegroom
are now handed to his representatives. The gift items may include a velvet cap
(songkok), a prayer mat (sejadah) a pair of clothes and so on. The gifts must
also be placed in an add number of trays, the number of trays being higher than
those received from the potential bridegroom’s party. This completes the
meminang ceremony.
Following
the exchange of gifts a feast is given to the bridegroom’s party, before they
leave for home.
Akad
Nikah
The Akad Nikah is
the actual religious solemnisation of the marriage. While all the other
ceremonies performed in a Malay wedding before the Akad Nikah and after it may
be considered as derived from the traditional culture of the Malays, and may
even be omitted the Akad Nikah is an Islamic ceremony without which no marriage
is valid. Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and
the religious official (usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure
the marriage is entered into willingly by both the parties. At times the
marriage solemnization is in fact done by the girl’s father in the presence of
religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the officials, the bridegroom
and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities as a
married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective. There must be two
official witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be issued by
the kadhi or State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony,
and this is to be signed by the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.
'ADAT BERINAI'
Adat Berinai
The ceremony of
Berinai involves the staining of the couple’s hands with henna. Lesser or
greater berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:
a. Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony
(akad nikah) with the participation of close relatives and friends only.
b. Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the
participation of family members, neighbours and close friends.
c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony
(Akad Nikah).
Of the above three ceremonies, the berinai besar is the major one. The lesser
ones may take place in private, usually with the participation of women only.
For the berinai besar the newly married couple sit on the specially decorated
dias (pelamin). Family members from both sides take turns to apply henna to the
hands of the seated couple. Rice and a mixture of flour may also be applied to
the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign of blessing.
The
Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each
other. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of
cleansing and protection from evil or malicious influences.
The
Bersanding or Hari Langsung
The hari langsung,
literally “the day of completion” , which also involves the bersanding or
ceremonial seating on the dias, is considered the high point of a Malay
wedding.
In the morning before the bersanding ceremony the bride will change into new
clothes, and various fashions may be tried out in selecting the dress to be
worn for the bersanding. Popular bersanding fashions include those of from the
Minangkabau tradition, Kelantanese styles as well as styles derived from the
West.
The
bridegroom is not allowed to enter the bride’s house before the bride sends him
a prepared betel leaf known as sirih latlat or sirih genggam. This is a sign
that the bride now awaits the arrival of the bridegroom. The bridegroom walks
slowly towards the house of the bride, his party is led by womenfolk. This is
the ceremony of berarak, or walking in procession. Behind them come the group
of musicians beating various types of drums, especially the hand-held kompang,
as well as bearers of decorative flowers (bunga manggar).
The
arriving party take their seats in a special area of the house for the martial
arts ( pencak silat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying
respects to the bridegroom as the king for the day. Then both the bride and the
bridegroom are invited for the bersanding ceremony. This is the sitting in
state ceremony and theoretically the first time that a bride and her groom
meet. Seated on their chairs on the platform (pelamin) the couple are blessed
with scented water, henna, sandalwood paste and rice flour paste. The
bersanding publicly ratifies the union.
Following
the bersanding the newly-married couple will come down to the halaman rumah for
lunch or dinner (kenduri), to which guests will be invited. Further activities
including light entertainment or joget dance sessions may take place in the
evening to conclude the Malay wedding
Sambut
menyambut
The
adat of sambut menyambut or ceremony of welcome is usually done at the
bridegrooms’s house to welcome the bride. This may take place a day or two
following the bersanding. Sometimes a second bersanding ceremony is held in the
bridegroom’s house to give the opportunity to the women of that household who
did not have the opportunity to be present at the first bersanding ceremony to
bless the newly married couple.
