DIARI SEORANG ARTIS BERAK DI SHOPPING MALL

Hi... nama I Misha. I ni artis tau... Nak kata popular tu, hmmmm tak jugaklah tapi I menang award untuk anugerah-anugerah artis ni ada laaaaa dalam 9 ke 10 kali. Well, hebat juga la I ni. Miaahaahahaaa *gelak sambil gelek-gelek bontot*

I nak story one story kat u all... Satu kejadian yang berlaku dekat I masa I buat satu show dekat Teluk Intan pada tahun 2007. Hari tu, I dengan beberapa artis lain ada satu show untuk promosi satu stesen radio dekat The Store Teluk Intan. Antara artis-artis yang terlibat ialah Fara Fararau, Eman Manoon, Rusdi Ramram dan Awal Mustari. Wowwww!!!! Awal Mustari ada!!!!! I loike I loikeeee!!!!! I ni dah la mengidam nak ada skandal dengan Awal Mustari ni... Ye laaaa, laki yang tinggi, muka manis, kaya, sweet talker dan yang paling best, I dengar cerita yang si Awal ni suka wanita yang hidungnya mempunyai lubang oksigen yang luas. Yezzzzzz!!! Yezzzz... I ada ciri-ciri hidung macam tu!!

UiTM MANJUNG DAN SIAPAKAH EMMA BONTOT GEBU? (PART 1)

Korang-korang pernah datang ke UiTM Manjung tak? Bukan UiTM Seri Iskandar, tapi UiTM Seri Manjung yang Uitm versi rumah-rumah kedai tu??? Kalau tak pernah, tengok gambar-gambar ni. Pelakon Azhar Sulaiman, Afdlin Shauki dulu pernah la belajar kat sini. Provos UiTM kasitau kat aku dulu. Haaaa, jangan ingat aku tak kamcing ngn provos Uitm. Gua dulu AJK majlis perwakilan pelajar. Huhuhuhu..

Abang Nak Kuih?

5 tahun yang sudah di sebuah restoran mamak betul-betul tang corner lot, dekat area Shah Alam. Waktu tu 1030 malam, restoran tu dipenuhi dengan orang terumatanya kaki-kaki bola yang sedang menunggu perlawanan antara CHELSEA dengan Arsenal.

Aku, Fat dengan Reza duduk dekat luar kedai mamak ORDER teh tarik gelas besar je tanpa order sebarang makanan. Niat kami nak tengok bola bukan nak makan. 

Tiba-tiba ada seorang budak lebih kurang dalam lingkungan 11 tahun kot, datang ke arah kami,

Hidayah Cintakan Aku Kerana?

Nama aku Mohd Musa Lee bin Abdullah. Sekarang genaplah 6 tahun aku telah memeluk Islam. 

6 tahun yang sudah, aku memeluk Islam sebab aku nak kahwin dengan Nor Hidayah Ghulam. Aku tak kenali pun Islam, Islam bagi aku ialah satu tiket untuk berkahwin dengan Hidayah, cinta sejati aku. Dekat Malaysia, orang Islam kena kahwin dengan orang Islam, tapi kalau non muslim berkahwin dengan muslim, tak boleh dari segi undang-undang. Kan ke bagus kalau sini negara India??? Sesiapa pun bebas untuk berkahwin tanpa mengikut penganut agama hape pun.

MASA

Ibnu Ali Qaisy is writing...

I always feel like time just zooms by, especially on public holidays or weekends. Saturday and Sunday fly past and suddenly—boom—Monday hits and it’s back to the office. Ouch… totally boring.

But when I’m working, it’s like time just drags... I think it’s already 5pm, but nope—just 3:30pm. Then when 5pm finally hits and I go home, I barely blink and suddenly it’s 9pm. Before I know it, it’s already 11pm—time to sleep, because tomorrow I gotta work again. Work? Oh mannnn!

When there’s a lot of workload, even a simple task that should take one hour somehow takes me the whole day.

And here’s another one—let’s say I go on a four-day holiday somewhere nice. I don’t really feel like I’m enjoying it fully. What I feel instead is that I wasted my money and I feel like a total fool. So now, I feel like there’s no need to go on a fancy vacation. Just stay home. Save money. Still boring, though.

Why is that?

The answer is—how much time do I actually give to God? If you give your time to God, He gives you time in return.

At work, I feel like time moves slowly. That’s actually a gift. God’s giving me a chance to use that slow time wisely—for worship. Not necessarily praying or reading the Quran, but worship as in fulfilling my responsibilities in the office. I work at the Religious Office, and my tasks include educating Muslims about zakat. On top of that, I’m building a financially strong institution. Why? So that with strong Islamic funding, we can help those who need help.

People come to the religious office with all kinds of problems. Some wanna register for marriage. Some need family counseling. Some ask for financial aid. Some come to learn religion. Some pay zakat. And some… got caught doing things they shouldn’t.

But when I’m working, am I actually treating it as worship? Nope. When people ask about zakat, I’m thinking, Ugh, such a hassle…

When someone gets caught for inappropriate behavior, I go off making fun of them with my colleagues.

When someone wants to convert to Islam, my brain goes, He’s just doing it to get married… or maybe for the money from the Baitulmal.

When someone asks for help, I feel like they’re just a burden.

God’s giving me time at work, letting time move slowly, so that I can turn my work into acts of worship—but I waste that chance.

When I’m on vacation, time flies. Why? Because God is trying to keep me from wasting that time on sins. He speeds up my off-time so I’ll return to work—and maybe use that time better.

What do I do on vacation? I go to the movies. Watch TV. Jog while checking out women in yoga pants. Sleep and miss my prayers. Scroll through Facebook reading all the drama and garbage.

Back when I was a student, I never felt like class time went fast. When class started, time moved sooooooo slowly…

Unless the teacher was super attractive—then wow, time flew.

So yeah, it’s clear—when we’re learning, God stretches time for us so we have more space to understand and absorb.

In 2012, I noticed a few changes in me. I lost 16 kilos. So hey, at least there’s that. Something to show for the year.

But financially? Meh. I used to be able to save RM5,000 a year. In 2012? Zilch.

And career-wise? No progress at all. Still stuck in the same place. Means… bad performance. Yup.

I once said to a religious teacher,

"Ustaz, I always feel like time’s moving way too fast. I never feel satisfied with my off days…"

And he said,

"Time isn’t meant to be filled with satisfaction. It’s meant to be filled with knowledge and responsibility."

ANU KU DILIHAT DOKTOR WANITA

Malu betul aku hari ni... Hari ni, seorang doktor cina telah tengok anu aku... Anu tu apa? Kote laaaa... Haiiissshhh...

8.00 PM

"Doktor... saya tak tau laaaa... kenapa tiba-tiba saya punya ni (sambil tunjuk anu aku) ni terasa kebas jeeee... Saya tak tahan laaaaa..."

Nasihat Awek Mualaf

Aku dan Wani dah takde apa-apa dah. Mungkin dulu kita pasangan kekasih yang saling kentut mengentut antara satu sama lain. Tapi sekarang, kami hanya kawan. Restu mak ayah tu sangat penting kalau nak diteruskan ke alam perkahwinan. 

Walaupun dah putus, Wani tetap best buddy aku. Wani, seorang mualaf yang memeluk Islam 2 tahun sudah yang mana asalnya seorang free thinker dan tiada seorang pun adik beradik dia yang memeluk Islam. Dulunya, dia free hair sekarang dah bertudung. Dulunya, masa nak belajar al fatihah terpaksa aku tulis dalam tulisan rumi untuk dia hafal, tapi sekarang, baca Al Quran takde la nak makan masa 15 minit untuk 2 ayat Al Quran macam mula dia memeluk Islam dulu. Alhamdulillah. 

KISAH CINTA NASI LEMAK

Tarikh 28 April tarikh aku telah amik nasik lemak dari minah ni utk kali ke berapa ratus ntah!!! 1st time aku jumpa dia, time aku nak balik ke umah setelah sehari suntuk lepak kat umah Joe. Terima kasih la perut..... kalau tak sure aku tak jumpa minah ni. Time aku kuar je dari kereta, tetibe hati aku kuch kuch hota hai... pehal plak ni??? makin hampir aku kat gerai tu nasi lemak tu, makin aku berdebar. pehal plak ni.... until la aku sampai ke gerai, nak pilik lauk nasik lemak, aku terpandang satu manusia yg cantik giler babeng!!!!!!!! Cun giler siottt minah jual nasik lemak tu. After je aku beli nasik lemak dari dia, aku terus makan nasik lemak tu. tak sedap pun.... Tapi ntah apasal, mcm ada sumthing je yg push aku nak beli nasik lemak tu lagi esok hari.